How do you explain the Invisible?

I started this blog thinking that no one seems to be talking about hyperthyroidism and the complications that go along with it. That when I look to see if anyone is going through similar things to feel like, ok, this is normal, or I can deal with this if it’s just a bad day, but I have gotten away from that a little bit and that is what I am going to talk about today.

Sometimes it all feels like a big foggy mess.

The past few weeks I have been at a loss, I have put my trust in Dr’s and specialist that promised we will get to the bottom of this no matter what, and I mentioned a few weeks ago that the endocrinologist and surgeon were giving me very different information. The endo called me a few days later and told me that even though the nodule is growing, the symptoms are worse and the blood work still isn’t normal we are going to take surgery of the table and do biopsies every few months. I know there are worse things that could happen, but if you have ever had a thyroid biopsy it isn’t something you want to repeat more than once, let alone every few months.

So I asked her ” ok, what about all of the symptoms and issues I have been dealing with we have talked about?”

Endo: ” try a low iodine diet,”

Me: “I have been doing that for 8 months,”

Endo: “oh well then I don’t know, we will talk after the biopsy.”

I don’t want to bash her, I do like her and I know that just because one is a doctor they don’t have infinite amounts of wisdom, but ” I don’t know” is the most frustrating answer I have been given so far.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again…

It’s hard to explain what the problem is too. I sweat all the time, and wake up in puddles of it at night, but that wont kill me. The heart palpitations are frustrating and feel weird, but if they aren’t concerned with it, I guess I can deal with the moments of discomfort. The sleeplessness I am dealing with and have discovered CC Cream really works for my under eye circles and a little sparkle just brightness your whole face up. But this weekend was a culmination of those things and the most frustrating thing I’ve been trying to deal with is the anxiety the extra thyroid hormones produces, and explaining to others because they can’t see the issues or the illness so it is hard to grasp.

We went apple picking with my family, all people I love, respect and enjoy being around because I am completely comfortable. I was feeling a little anxious in the morning, but that’s how I have felt this whole past year, but it wasn’t too bad and I was going to be in a no stress environment so it should be fine, but it wasn’t.

Ok, apple picking wasn’t completely stress free I did end up in a wheel barrel in a tree…

After apple picking we went to a fun restaurant we have been wanting to try and it was all down hill from there. Every sudden movement and loud noise was sending me into anxiety over drive, I tried to smile and take deep breaths, I’m with people I know and love I should be fine and I don’t want to make them uncomfortable. Every time someone bumped me or asked me a question, my anxiety levels were off the chart I just wanted to cry and run, but why do I feel this way? My hands were shaking, my heart rate was crazy, I was sweating, everything put me on edge and it was all I could do, but to hold back tears. It was like I was going to climb Mt. Everest or the Cliffs of Insanity, but I wasn’t I was with my husband, my family and people I have been friends with since the day I was born.

Husband thought I was mad at him, when I was just trying to give him non verbal signals that I was having an “episode” as we call it. I got a few, are you oks, but how do you respond to that, nope, I’m freaking out and my thyroid is a jerk! They tell you to take deep breaths and do what they call grounding when you are having an anxiety attack, but those things don’t work when its a chemical/hormonal issue rather than an emotional/mental response or issue.

We left for the night, I went home, cried a little took a zyquil and tried to sleep it off, woke up in the morning and felt like it would be an ok day.

I have no idea how to deal with all of it, I feel that is pretty obvious, and I don’t really have suggestions for anyone else. I am doing low iodine, gluten-free, exercising, extra sleep and trying to remain calm sometimes it seems like it helps and sometimes it doesn’t. All I really have to say is that you will get through it and tomorrow is a better day usually.